Why Discouragement Can’t Take the Lead
Written By: Kelsey McVey, LCSW
Everyone goes through seasons where life feels heavier than expected. Plans fall through, health scares happen, careers change, and momentum slows. It can feel like you are giving your best effort and still getting pushed backward every step of the way. That kind of season can be exhausting, both mentally and emotionally.
Feeling discouraged from time to time is normal. It ebbs and flows with hard days, difficult conversations, and unmet expectations. But when it starts showing up more regularly, there starts to become a difference between the momentary discouragement and feeling like discouragement has now become your permanent state. When that shift happens, it stops feeling like an emotion and starts feeling personal, and it begins shaping how you see yourself, your future, and your worth.
When this happens it's easy to fall into a “why me” mindset during prolonged stress and uncertainty. This can feel even more intense during the holiday season, when social media is filled with highlight reels, fresh starts, and resolutions that make it seem like everyone else is moving forward with ease.
Seasons of uncertainty are some of the hardest to move through. They can feel isolating and lonely, even when you are surrounded by people. But discouragement does not get to lead the way.
Here are seven reasons why.
1. It lies about the future
Discouragement convinces you that this current moment defines what comes next. It makes hard seasons feel permanent and turns your thoughts into absolutes like “always,” “never,” and “everyone.” Feelings feel real, but they cannot predict your future. Discouragement is emotional, not a fortune teller.
2. It shrinks your world
When discouragement takes the lead, your world gets smaller. You stop trying new things, sharing ideas, or letting people see the real effort you are making. Not because you can’t, but because it feels safer to stay hidden. But growth requires engagement. Staying connected and continuing to show up matters, even when it feels uncomfortable.
3. It distorts your self worth
Discouragement blurs the line between what happened and who you are. A mistake becomes a label. A setback becomes your identity. This is why it matters to remember that you should not believe everything you think. Many thoughts are shaped by fear and your brain’s attempt to keep you safe, not by actual truth.
4. It kills momentum, not just mood
Discouragement does more than dampen your mood. It makes you want to stop trying. Real progress rarely comes from perfect conditions or constant confidence. It comes from small, imperfect, consistent movement forward. When discouragement leads, growth slows. And you deserve more than stagnation.
5. It steals energy you still need
Discouragement drains you twice. First through disappointment, then through rumination. Overthinking, replaying conversations, and self doubt take real energy. That energy is better spent resting, adjusting, and trying again with more gentleness.
6. It makes you ignore evidence of progress
Discouragement turns your brain into an unreliable and judgmental narrator. It minimizes wins, dismisses breakthroughs, and acts like growth only counts if it is flawless. You lose sight of how far you have already come because discouragement edits your story unfairly. It’s important to not let that narrator take over. Let the episode of discouragement be part of the evidence, not the final verdict.
7. It is a feeling, not a fact
Discouragement feels loud because it shows up in both your body and mind. It can feel like a heavy chest, tight shoulders, or that familiar inner voice asking, “What’s the point?” Feelings are real, but they are not instructions. They deserve compassion, not control. The work is learning to turn down the volume, not silence the feeling entirely.
If this season has felt heavy for you, I want you to know this. I see you. I am with you.
If you’re moving through a season of discouragement and feel like you could use some extra support, I’m here for you. Reach out—let’s talk. Therapy can be a grounding, empowering space to help you navigate the uncertainty and heavy emotions that often come with this stage of life.
Telehealth available for those in NC, MD, WI, SC, and FL.
