Behind the Magic: Changing the Script and Coping with Holiday Burnout
Written by: Kelsey McVey, LCSW
The holidays are often described as magical. Full of twinkling lights, cozy moments, and togetherness. But for many of us, especially those of us who tend to be the ones that make the magic happen, the season can feel more like pressure than peace.
You might be the one stringing the lights, wrapping the gifts, baking the cookies, planning the gatherings, and remembering every stocking stuffer and teacher gift. From the outside, it looks beautiful — festive, warm, put together, and dare I say “perfect”. But inside, you might be running on fumes and holding your breath from Thanksgiving to New Years, hoping no one notices how close you are to burning out.
The magic can start to feel a little less magical when you’re the one making sure everyone else feels it.
Behind the Magic: The Heavy Cost of Holiday Perfectionism and Burnout
Perfectionism loves the holidays. It drives the need for everything to be just right — the house spotless, the gifts thoughtful, the table Instagram-worthy. You tell yourself it’s worth it because you want your family to feel joy and to remember the season fondly. But somewhere along the way, your own joy gets lost under the pile of to-do lists and expectations.
And if you struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, or burnout, this pressure hits even harder. The overstimulation, the constant social demands, the endless decisions — It all adds up. You may find yourself lying awake, replaying interactions, worrying if you remembered everyone on your list you needed to get gifts for, all the while your own needs go ignored and unmet. And when we’re exhausted and running on empty, the comments and judgments that come with the holidays land harder than they should because burnout makes us more exposed.
When the Holiday Judgment Starts to Hurt
The holidays have a way of magnifying our insecurities. Maybe your appearance has changed this year and you’re dreading the unsolicited comments and assumptions. Maybe you lost a job or didn’t get the promotion you worked so hard for. Or maybe you are simply feeling behind compared to everyone else’s highlight reel and worry you have nothing good to share. You may try to busy yourself in the hosting or the doing to avoid these uncomfortable interactions. All to find out that your famous recipe didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to and now you feel like everyone is judging you for that now too. The judgment can feel inevitable when you feel like you’re holding it all.
And speaking of judgements… The judgments and questions, sometimes well-intentioned, sometimes not, can land like weights. It’s the - Are you seeing anyone yet? When are you having kids? Did you ever finish that degree? You look so tired — everything okay?
It’s exhausting…
It’s Time to Change Up the Rule Book This Year
No more saying yes to everything
No more having to explain your choices.
No more having to bake, decorate, or attend events out of guilt. No more paying any mind to unsolicited comments.
You deserve to protect your peace.
And although it may not feel like it, you get to choose what kind of holiday you want to have this year.
In therapy, there’s a concept called a choice point — the moment where we can decide whether our actions move us closer to or further away from the life we want to live. During the holidays, these moments show up constantly.
When they do, you might reach for unhelpful coping strategies — overcommitting, people-pleasing, numbing with endless scrolling, or saying yes when your body is screaming no. They might feel like survival in the moment, but over time they take you further from what you truly value: connection, peace, and presence.
Doing What Matters (To You)
The magic of the holidays isn’t something you have to create. Rather, we can shift that perspective and allow it to be something you can reconnect with. Connection doesn’t come from perfect décor or flawless dinners. It comes from slowing down enough to notice the small moments — the smell of cinnamon in the kitchen, the sound of laughter, the aroma of your seasonal coffee.
Mindfulness helps us return to these moments. Even in the chaos. In fact, especially in the chaos. Whether it’s taking a deep breath before responding to a family question, pausing to notice the warmth of your mug as you drink your tea, or setting aside a few minutes to simply be. These small acts of presence can shift everything.
You can gently let go of doing it all and instead choose to do what’s meaningful. You can redefine what the holidays mean for you. And what you might notice, is it’s less about perfection and more about connection and meaningful memories (the real holiday magic).
Real Ways to Manage the Holiday Burnout
If you’ve been nodding along so far, and wondering, how do I achieve this change up this year. Here are some real-world ways to manage holiday burnout — especially when your inner perfectionist is in full command mode:
1. Let “good enough” actually be good enough.
The cookies do not need to be Pinterest-perfect. The matching pajamas can be mismatched. The tree can have bald spots. And remind yourself that your worth is not tied to the symmetry of your garland.
2. Delegate like your sanity depends on it — because it does.
You don’t have to be the Director of Christmas. If someone asks how they can help, don’t say “Oh, it’s fine, I’ve got it.” Say, “Actually, could you grab ice / wrap these gifts / make sure Aunt Lisa doesn’t start a debate at dinner?” Accepting help isn’t weakness… it’s wisdom.
3. Schedule a “nothing” block on your calendar.
Yes… you read that correctly… actually write the word nothing. Protect it like you would an important meeting — because it is one. A meeting with your peace, your couch, and maybe your favorite show you’ve been too busy to finish since July.
4. Drop one thing. Just one.
Think about your current holiday checklist. Now cross something off that no one will notice except your anxiety. Maybe it’s homemade bows. Maybe it’s that new recipe that requires four different grocery stores. No one’s going to miss it, but I promise you, your nervous system will thank you.
5. Create micro-moments of mindfulness.
Start noticing what’s happening right now in the current moment — the smell of your favorite holiday candle, the twinkle of the lights, the sound of laughter from another room. Small, grounding moments interrupt the spiral of “I have to get everything done.”
6. Redefine what “holiday success” looks like.
Success isn’t everyone being impressed. It’s you being present. It’s laughing, resting, connecting. The holidays aren’t a performance; they’re an experience. And you deserve to experience it, not just produce it.
7. Remember: you are not Santa.
You don’t have to deliver joy to every single person on your list. You’re a human being with limits, needs, and feelings. You are not a magical being with flying reindeer and 24/7 energy. Your presence, not your perfection, is what makes this season meaningful.
You Deserve a Season That Feels Like Peace
As the holidays start to creep closer, the decorations are appearing earlier every year, and the to-do lists start forming in your head before the first snowflake even falls. As this season is just beginning, you might already notice that familiar tightness in your chest starting to creep in. The anticipatory anxiety. The “here we go again” feeling.
I urge you to take action now. Before the parties, before the chaos, before the questions, your mind is already racing ahead, preparing, bracing, overthinking how to make this season work for everyone. It’s okay if you’re feeling that. It’s okay if the holidays bring as much dread as they do excitement.
Take this as your gentle reminder: you don’t have to do it all this year. You don’t have to earn your rest. You don’t have to create magic to be worthy of it.
You are allowed to step back and notice what you need. Before you’re deep in the middle of December. Before the burnout hits. You are allowed to slow down now. To breathe now. To start differently this time. This season can be something different. Perhaps something quieter, something smaller, or something that actually feels more like you.
Let the season unfold without the weight of expectation. Let the moments be imperfect and enough. Let yourself be part of the magic, not just the one creating it.
Maybe this year, peace isn’t something you chase. Maybe it’s something you choose, one gentle boundary, one mindful breath, one imperfect but real moment at a time.
Download a free Holiday Worksheet to help you assess if you’re driven by your values or pressure this season.
Ready to find your calm this holiday season?
Check out the Holiday Reset Group starting December 2, 2025. Join other women in making this Holiday season a little bit different and little less overwhelming. Contact me to join. Mention this blog post and receive 10% off of this group offering.
