When the Wizard Isn’t Who You Thought: The Era of Disillusionment
Written By: Kelsey McVey, LCSW
I’ve been thinking a lot about disillusionment lately. And last night, while watching Wicked: One Wonderful Night, the opening notes of “The Wizard and I” hit me right in the chest. It dawned on me: this isn’t just something that happened to me (and not just to Elphaba either). So let’s talk about it.
At some point, every one of us will face a moment when something we once believed in with our whole heart—our career, our calling, our “this is what I’m meant to do”—stops shining the way it used to.
It becomes our Wizard. Our dream starts to fall apart, and you begin to realize the path you’re on isn’t what you thought it would be.
Maybe it hits when you’re passed over for a promotion, not because you lacked the skill or the work ethic, but because someone else had the right connection or the right last name.
Maybe it’s when you realize the system you’ve poured your energy, time, and heart into is fundamentally flawed. And no matter how hard you push, you can’t fix it on your own.
Or maybe it’s the moment you finally see that the people above you, the ones you admired, trusted, and modeled yourself after, aren’t actually interested in change at all.
And for some of us, the disillusionment isn’t just professional.
It’s personal.
It’s the realization that life doesn’t look like the timeline you once planned out. (And for my perfectionists reading this: you know… it’s the white picket fence, married with two kids and a golden retriever by 32 kind of plan.)
Suddenly, the life you thought you were building feels out of reach. Or like it belongs to someone else entirely.
We were raised on messages like, “If you work hard enough, you can do anything.” We put our faith in people, in institutions, and the idea that effort equals reward. But eventually, life hands you a reality check.
And from stage left, enters disillusionment.
At first, we try to negotiate with it. We tell ourselves we’re fine. We’re still happy. That if we just keep pushing, the spark will come back.
Just keep your head down. Don’t question it.
But here’s the part no one warns you about:
At some point, you WILL meet your Wizard.
And suddenly, you’re standing at a crossroads. Faced with a decision you never expected to make.
If you’ve ever found yourself at that crossroads (or maybe you’re there right now), it doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice to begin with.
It means you cared enough to notice when it stopped feeling right.
And disappointment—especially for the deeply passionate or the high achieving—hits hard. Because you’re used to being the one who figures things out. You are the one who muscles through, optimizes, achieves, problem-solves, persisting your way to success.
Hitting a wall wasn’t part of that narrative… until suddenly, it is.
Then one day you wake up and think:
Why am I dreading the thing that used to feel so right?
Why am I struggling with something I’m supposed to be good at?
Why does it feel like the world pushes back every time I push forward?
Why does success suddenly feel like it happens to everyone else when I am the one doing everything “right”?
And the worst part?
This version of you—uncertain, overwhelmed, burned out—feels foreign.
Welcome to your Disillusionment Era.
When the World Feels Weirdly Against You.
Disillusionment makes you feel singled out. Targeted, even.
Like the Universe took one look at you and said:
“Hmm, they’re doing a little too well. Let’s mess with them.”
Suddenly, things that once felt possible now feel distant.
Easy things now take effort.
And the future you pictured now feels blurry.
Pep talks bounce off and that motivating podcast no longer hits.
And then, entering in from stage right—comes fear.
Fear starts their monologue:
Maybe you’ve reached your limit.
Maybe that was your peak.
Maybe you don’t actually deserve the thing you wanted.
Maybe you weren’t built for the kind of success you imagined.
This is the moment most people either go numb, go small, or spiral.
But here’s another truth nobody tells you:
This phase isn’t the end of something. It’s another intersection of who you were and who you’re becoming. And if you’ve read my previous blog, you now know that phases of becoming come from the uncertain and the deeply uncomfortable parts of life.
So, You Might Find Yourself Thinking, What am I Supposed to Do?
The most important skill here isn’t fixing anything yet…
It’s noticing the story you start telling yourself while you walk through it.
The “everything is impossible” story.
The “I missed my window” story.
The “everyone else has it together except me” story.
These narratives feel so real when you’re in them. And they can be very convincing. Cinematic, even. Oscar-worthy internal monologues. And they are very damaging.
But here’s the twist. Damage control IS possible when we can recognize a few things.
Thoughts can be true emotionally without being true literally.
We can notice the narrative without believing it.
We can watch the story unfold in our mind without handing it the pen.
So What Actually Helps in the Thick of It?
It’s not toxic positivity and it’s not gaslighting yourself into “hustle harder” culture.
What helps is actually much smaller and surprisingly more powerful.
Start by naming the feeling.
Not solving it. Not justifying it.
Just naming it:
Disappointed.
Defeated.
Burned out.
Lost.
Terrified.
Confused.
Naming the emotion keeps it from running the entire show.
Then ask yourself:
“What is One Honest Thing I Can do Next that Doesn’t Betray Myself?”
Not the perfect thing.
Not the big reinvention.
Just one small step that’s true and directionally right. One driven by your values, not tangled in your fear.
Maybe you set one overdue boundary.
Maybe you finally admit to yourself or a friend, “I’m not okay right now.”
Maybe you update your résumé with takeout as emotional support.
Or maybe you just go for a walk.
Small actions won’t magically fix the moment. They aren’t meant to.
They’re meant to interrupt the narrative that you’re powerless and open you up to see what might be next, whether its changing the way you are walking down your current path or changing the path entirely.
Another Game Changer?
Let fear remain on the stage as part of the ensemble.
Fear will show up. It always does when you’re evolving.
But you don’t have to let it take center stage.
You can think “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing” and still send the email. You can feel “who am I to try?” and still try.
Bravery isn’t the absence of fear.
It’s refusing to stop moving because of it.
Find the Beauty.
This phase is teaching you things success never could.
These are the moments in life where you learn the real truths:
You are more than what you accomplish.
Certainty is not required for action.
Growth feels like grief before it feels like freedom.
Resilience is quieter than you imagined.
Reinvention tastes a little like heartbreak at first.
Your life isn’t falling apart.
It’s teaching you how to become someone who can hold complexity. Someone who can want something and doubt it, love something and question it, dream about the future without running from the present.
This is leveling up in a way no achievement ever could.
So if you’re here—disillusioned, disappointed, disheartened.
Know this:
You are not failing at your life.
You are arriving at a more honest version of it.
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming someone who can’t be built in comfort.
You’re not stuck.
You’re shedding a chapter that fit until it didn’t.
You didn’t waste your time.
It became an integral part in shaping you for the better.
And someday—maybe months, maybe years— You’ll realize:
You didn’t need a Wizard.
You needed to let who you are take center stage, no matter what the world tells you. Even in the moments you weren’t sure you even knew who that “you” was.
If you’re finding yourself in a season of disillusionment—and perfectionism, burnout, anxiety, or OCD are making it hard to see a way forward—you don’t have to figure this out alone.
I work with adults navigating big transitions, internal pressure, and the “I should have it together by now” spiral. Together we can find direction that actually feels like yours.
If you’d like support and live in NC, MD, WI, SC, or FL - you can schedule a free consultation here:
