Ode to The Woman Who is Everything All at Once

Written By: Kelsey McVey, LCSW

There is a special kind of woman walking around these days. You probably know her. In fact, you might be her. She is the planner, the emotional glue, the finder of lost water bottles, and the keeper of everyone’s health appointments and birthdays. She knows how many rolls of toilet paper are left and exactly what needs to go on the grocery list. Professionally, she still manages to know who’s running the next meeting and whose birthday is coming up.

She is everything all at once… And it’s a lot.

We don’t talk enough about the invisible labor and the relentless standards women carry. The mental load and the societal expectation are real. It is the running list that never ends. It is the constant swiveling between “Did I respond to that email?” and “How are we already out of milk again?” It is remembering the last time you texted a friend to check in because that is what a good friend does. Pressure comes from every direction to keep up, show up, and look good while doing it.

Somewhere along the way, society handed us a story: the best woman is the one who can do everything on her own. Successful, independent, self-sufficient. A woman who needs nothing from anyone but can do everything for everyone else. Many of us swallowed that story whole. We learned to take pride in doing it all because leaning on others was labeled as weak. The irony is that this belief has left many women worse off.

Humans were not designed to be lone wolves. The solo cavewoman was not empowered. She was dinner. Our nervous systems feel safest in support, in community, and in knowing other hands are available to help carry the load. Hyper-independence may look impressive on paper, but in real life it keeps the body stuck in survival mode: Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn. Repeat.

No wonder so many women are exhausted to their bones.

Women are living at a crossroads past generations did not face. You can build a career, travel the world, freeze your eggs, have a child, not have a child, change your mind, or do all of the above in a different order. With that freedom comes an exhausting and deeply personal decision-making process. Do I want kids? Do I want more kids? Do I want to be married? What does it mean if I do not want these things? What if I don’t do these things in the traditional way society tells me to? Who will judge me? Who will I disappoint?

Add to that the swelling number of women caring for both young children and aging parents. The sandwich generation. Sick kids and declining parents. Daycare bills and specialist appointments. Trying to meet everyone’s needs while your own quietly taps you on the shoulder and says, “Hey… remember me?”

That doesn’t even include the pressures at work or the unread texts from friends. No wonder women feel constantly one step behind or one dropped ball away from becoming unhinged.

Here is the good news: this is not a personal failure. This is the weight of a culture that keeps asking more without offering more support.

You are not doing it wrong. You were set up to fail.
You were taught to live a “do it all” life and you weren’t given the tools to do it.
Yet somehow, you keep showing up, and you keep pushing forward.

When “Doing It All” Starts to Breed Resentment.

Here is the quiet and sneaky evil of doing it all: Resentment.

It sneaks in quietly, like an uninvited houseguest who decides to stay indefinitely. At first, it shows up as frustration. Maybe you roll your eyes while loading the dishwasher because no one else seemed to see the mess. Then it spreads. You start feeling it at work when you pick up the slack again. You feel it toward your partner when they rest without guilt. You feel it toward your kids, who innocently rely on you for everything. Sometimes, you even turn it inward, resenting yourself for the choices you’ve made, caring so much, for not setting better boundaries, and for being unable to “just let it go.”

Resentment grows when effort goes unseen and unshared. It’s not that you don’t love your people or your job or your life. You just feel alone in carrying it all. And over time, that weight can slowly erode connection, intimacy, and joy.

You Don’t Need a Yoga Mat – You Need a Reset.

If you stayed with me this far, then you might be thinking – So what am I supposed to do? Because yoga and “me time” is not working!

And you’re right, it’s probably not working. And that’s because you are missing a few crucial things along the way.

You need to drop the Successful Woman Rulebook.

Our minds love to tell stories about the kind of woman we should be. A good mom would… A strong woman doesn’t… A successful person always… Notice those scripts. Ask if they are actually yours or if someone else wrote them. You do not have to follow them. Dropping the rule book doesn't mean you won’t be successful. It means finding the success without losing yourself along the way.

Rewrite the “Do it All” Story to Let Life be Both/And, Not Either/Or.

You can allow yourself to crave rest AND ambition. You can adore your kids AND fantasize about that solo vacation or girls trip. You can care for your parents AND still need firm boundaries. Contradictions are signs of being human, not being broken. Thinking this way helps you make choices that match your true story, not society’s.

Anchor Yourself.

Before you say yes. Before you rush to fix. Before you assume it’s all on you. Pause and come back to the present. Check in with yourself? Assess, what is your battery at? Ask, “Can I take this on right now? Is it truly my responsibility?” Honoring your needs is not selfish. Its strategic.

Ask for Help.

Delegation is not the final act of surrender. It is the practical step toward sustainability. Let others contribute, even if they wipe the counters in a way that makes your eye twitch. Good enough is often exactly what the family needs. Delegate professionally. A true leader doesn’t do it all. A true leader allows others to rise to the occasion. Allow others the opportunity to step up. Even if they don’t do the thing in the way you would. Sometimes another’s process may surprise you.

Deal with the Resentment Before it Takes Root.

Resentment is not a character flaw. It’s a signal that’s telling you “We can’t keep going on like this!” Instead of pushing that feeling down, try to listen to what it’s asking for. Name it. When we can label the resentment it stops festering in the dark. Communicate it. Resentment thrives in silence. Share what’s on your mental list with your partner, coworkers, family, or friends. It’s not about blame, but it’s an invitation to let others in and work with you to rebalance together. And most importantly, reframe your worth. Your value comes from who you are, not what you produce or the elaborate birthday party you threw.

Dig Deep and Remember You Matter Too.

Get clear about what truly matters to you. Choose deliberate and intentional action instead of soldiering on out of habit. When you move with intention, the path forward starts to clear and the progress begins to feel steady again.  When you keep pushing while ignoring your own needs, you unintentionally teach the world to do the same. Caring for yourself sets the standard for how others care for you. You deserve support. You deserve to take up space. You deserve a life that lets you exhale.

So Here is My Ode to The Woman Who is Everything All at Once:

To the woman who is doing her best in a system that tells her it is not enough.
To the woman who keeps showing up, even when no one sees how much she is carrying.
To the woman who is strong enough to ask for help, to rest, and to rewrite what success means.
You are not meant to be everything all at once.
You are meant to be human.
I see you.
Take a breath.
Reset.
You got this.

If this feels familiar and you’re ready for more support. Let’s talk.
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