The In-Between: Where Stillness Meets Becoming

Written by: Kelsey McVey, LCSW

There’s a space in life that doesn’t get talked about enough. The awkward and extremely uncomfortable space that I have started referring to as ‘the in-between’.

It’s that stretch of time after something has ended but before the next thing has begun. It’s the uncertainty between what was and what will be. And if you’ve ever found yourself sitting there you know how scary, exhausting, and lonely it can feel.

The in-between can take many forms. It’s waiting for test results that could change everything. Piecing your life back together after a layoff or career pivot that was not penciled into your five-year plan. Moving through the uncertainty of a fertility journey. Learning to live again after loss or divorce. Or starting fresh in a new city, surrounded by strangers, missing the comfort of belonging.

It’s the place where the old version of you no longer fits, the new one hasn’t quite formed, and the only thing certain is that you can’t return to what was.

The Toll of Uncertainty

Uncertainty takes a real toll on the nervous system. Our minds crave direction, our bodies crave safety, and when neither feels available, we start spiraling into worry, doubt, and self-criticism. Suddenly you find yourself starting to question everything — your decisions, your worth, your future… and maybe even your life choices in 2012.

It’s completely normal to feel this way. It’s normal to feel like you should be constantly “doing something” to move the needle forward, even when no clear next step exists. No matter how hard your mind tries to convince you that it does.

You might notice that your sense of confidence and purpose are slipping away. You might find that you start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re doing something wrong, or worse… if you’re falling behind.

The truth is... you’re not. You’re just human.

This in-between space is part of everyone’s story. It’s not wasted time. It’s the slow, quiet, and often inconvenient work of transformation.

You’re Not Failing. You’re Pausing.

Being in the in-between isn’t a sign that you’re off track, no matter how much it feels that way when you’re doom-scrolling through everyone else’s “life updates”. Growth doesn’t always happen in motion; it often happens in the pause.

This space, as awkward and uncomfortable as it can be, is where we start to ask bigger questions. What actually matters? Who am I without the titles, the roles, or the plans I thought I needed? What do I want next, now that the old map doesn’t quite fit anymore?

You’re still becoming, even in the quiet stretches where it feels like nothing is moving. When you’re waiting, unseen, and unsure if anyone knows you’re still there. But your time will come. And when it does, you’ll see the in-between for what it really was. The space that shaped you for what’s ahead.

Coping in the In-Between

While you can’t rush the process (no matter how much you’d like to hit the fast-forward button), you can take care of yourself while you’re in it.

Here are a few things that can help make the waiting a little more bearable:

1. Create small anchors.
When everything feels uncertain, routine becomes your lifeline. It doesn’t have to be anything major. It could be a morning walk, journaling for five minutes, or listening to your favorite podcast while drinking coffee you didn’t have to reheat three times. Small, steady actions remind your body that some things are still within your control. They also keep you connected to the present moment instead of spiraling into what was or obsessing over what might be.

2. Name what you miss and what you hope for.
You’re allowed to grieve what’s been lost and still hold hope for what’s ahead. You don’t have to pick one or the other. Learning to accept that two things can be true at the same time — “I’m sad and I’m hopeful” — creates space for peace to sneak in. It’s not mental gymnastics; it’s emotional flexibility (and it’s worth practicing).

3. Let others witness your in-between.
I know what you’re thinking… why on earth is that necessary? This one’s a tough one. When life feels messy, most of us want to hide until we’ve got it all figured out. But connection is what helps soften the edges of uncertainty. Let trusted people in, even if you don’t have a polished story to tell yet. You don’t need to hand them a five-point plan. Your honest, unfiltered self is more than enough.

4. Practice radical acceptance.
You’re carrying a lot — emotionally, mentally, maybe even spiritually. Talk to yourself like you would a good friend (you know, the one that you actually like). And if your inner critic is saying, “But if I stop being hard on myself, I’ll never grow,” let’s call that what it is: another lie dressed up as motivation. Radical acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about allowing yourself to be where you are without judgment. Growth tends to follow when we stop fighting ourselves so hard.

5. Be Mindful of the Scroll.

Social media can be both a lifeline and a landmine during the in-between. It’s where connection happens, but it’s also where comparison quietly creeps in. When everyone else seems to be announcing promotions, engagements, or “new chapters,” it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one sitting still.

If you notice yourself spiraling after ten minutes of scrolling (or, let’s be honest, two minutes), it’s okay to take a break. Mute, unfollow, or log out for a bit. Protecting your peace isn’t being antisocial — it’s being self-aware.

Try curating your feed with things that ground you instead of trigger you - accounts that make you laugh, feel inspired, or remind you that real life is not an obligation to double tap someone else’s highlight. Remember, your own story is still unfolding, even if it’s not ready for a post yet.

And Finally… #6.

6. Remember: the waiting isn’t wasted.
Even if it doesn’t look like progress, the in-between is doing its work. It’s clarifying what matters, stretching your resilience, and teaching you how to hold discomfort without losing yourself. You may not see it now, but this chapter is shaping the version of you who will be ready for what’s next, whenever “next” decides to show up.

If you’re finding yourself here right now, know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to rush the process or have the perfect plan. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is simply be still long enough to hear yourself again.

Because even when everything feels uncertain, you are still becoming.