The High-Achiever’s Guide to Burning Out (and Finding Your Way Back)
Written By: Kelsey McVey, LCSW
Let’s be honest… Burnout doesn’t always look like lying in bed all day and unable to move. Sometimes, it looks like hitting every deadline, showing up to that work happy hour, making that new recipe you found on Pinterest, and getting through all of your ten step skincare routine at the end of the day. All while silently wondering why you still feel so exhausted and detached.
If you’re a self-proclaimed overachiever like me, you might call it “just being busy” or “having high standards.” You convince yourself that you’ll rest after the next project… or the next one… or the next one. Even your downtime starts to feel like work — suddenly, binging your favorite show isn’t relaxing anymore; it’s a task that must be completed so you don’t fall behind in your group chat’s latest TV debates.
Before you know it, everything — even the fun stuff — becomes something to keep up with. That’s how burnout hides: behind your productivity, your good intentions, and your relentless ability to “power through.”
Sound familiar?
As a therapist (and recovering high-achiever) I’ve learned that burn out isn’t just about doing too much — its about losing touch with why you are doing it in the first place.
What Burnout Really Is (and Isn’t)
Burnout isn’t weakness, laziness, or lack of motivation. It’s your body and mind saying, “Hey, we’ve been in survival mode for too long, could you chill?”
You might notice:
You’re more irritable or checked out than usual.
You wake up already tired.
Things you used to enjoy now feel like chores.
You fall asleep at night running through a list of things you need to do the next day.
You’re getting headaches, have trouble sleeping, or that constant tightness in your chest - the one where you can’t tell if its heart burn, anxiety, or a heart attack.
The tricky part? Burnout thrives in silence. It whispers things like, “Just push through,” or “Be grateful, other people have it worse.” And before you know it, you’re apologizing for being tired. Or worse — burnout convinces you that if you slow down, you’ll fall behind. You’ll lose momentum, your edge, or that version of yourself who once managed to do it all. It’s like the toxic ex of productivity culture — it keeps convincing you that this time will be different if you just try harder.
The High-Achiever Trap
For a lot of us, being “the dependable one” became part of our personality. Somewhere between group projects in college and your current to-do list of 47 unchecked boxes, you learned that the best way to stay safe is to stay productive.
You tell yourself you’re just being responsible, but secretly you’re terrified of dropping a single ball. So you color-code your planner, reply to that email at midnight “just so it’s off your plate,” and call it balance because you also managed to water your plants once this week.
The problem is, when your worth starts to hinge on your output, rest feels like failure. Saying no feels like letting people down. And even when you finally take a break, your brain is busy narrating all the things you “should” be doing instead.
Sound familiar? That’s not ambition — that’s exhaustion dressed up as achievement.
Connecting with What Matters
Here’s the truth: burnout recovery isn’t about quitting your job, going on an expensive yoga retreat, or trying to buy calm through whatever Instagram and tiktok told you to add to your cart this week. It’s about coming back to yourself — the version of you that exists outside your productivity.
It starts small. Saying no without a 15-minute apology. Taking a walk without turning it into cardio. Letting an email sit unread overnight (gasp). It’s learning that rest doesn’t have to be earned, and slowing down doesn’t mean you’ve lost your edge — it means you’re reclaiming your energy for things that actually matter.
It’s about starting to notice when you’re moving through life on autopilot and finding small ways to reroute. Sometimes that means catching yourself in the middle of a “should” and choosing differently — even in small ways. Over time, you begin to untangle the expectations you’ve been carrying, reconnect with what actually feels meaningful, and rebuild a rhythm that feels aligned instead of just… efficient.
Because burnout isn’t fixed by doing less — it’s healed by doing what’s meaningful.
A Note From One Recovering Over Achiever to Another
If you’ve read this far, there’s a good chance you’ve tried to fix your burnout the same way you fix everything else — by working harder at it. (Don’t worry, I did that too.) You downloaded the mindfulness app, you did your daily gratitude journal, and you started your week with a “Self Care Sunday.” And yet you still felt like a caffeine-fueled version of yourself held together by google calendar reminders and sheer willpower.
Here’s the thing: you’re not broken, lazy, or failing at “self-care.” You’re just tired — deeply tired — from carrying too much for too long. Therapy isn’t about making you less ambitious; it’s about helping you be ambitious without losing yourself in the process.
So if you’re ready to stop white-knuckling your way through “fine,” to set down the mental load for a minute, and to finally feel like yourself again — start there.
Ready to take that first step?
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight — you just have to start with one honest conversation. If you’re ready to slow down, breathe, and figure out what balance actually looks like for you, I’d love to help.
Learn more or schedule a session at www.kmvtherapyandconsulting.com
